7 Days of Positive Thoughts – Day 3

Ooh, I am hedging into day 4…it’s very late.  But, here goes…

Day 3 Positive Thought:  Sometimes I exceed my own expectations.


I never thought I’d run.  For anything.  I figured I’d have to be chased by an axe murderer or running from a fire to… RUN.  But this is apparently not the case.

Today, I did more than I could have thought possible.  For me, anyway.  And it is truly amazing.


Every time I think I know my limits, I prove myself wrong.



No one is chasing me and nothing is on fire.

I started doing the Couch to 5K program a few weeks ago.  The basic idea is that you gradually go from no running to being able to run a 5K.  It’s an interval training program and I think it’s brilliant.

But I still hate running.  I have not learned to love it.  Yet.

I asked a friend who runs how long it will take before I have that “addiction” that runners have.  She said she did not want to tell me because she did not want to discourage me.  So, I am just going to assume it takes six years.  GAAAAAAAHHHH.


Fortunately for me, I have someone to run with.  This is very motivating.

This is exactly what I said to my running partner this morning:

I am glad I have you to run with, because, if I didn’t, I would not have gotten up this morning.  Furthermore, every time I ask you to run, I really don’t want to.  Every time you ask me to run, I really don’t want to.  And every time you ask if we’re still on for our next running date, I want to say no.  But I do it anyway.


But, no worries.  I am still running.  And it still sucks.


Thoughts I had at the gym today:

1)  I am concerned that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are going to start a race of sinewy-bony people who make bad music.


2) While watching a segment on Good Morning America about the screaming trainer on Dance Moms, I wondered why anyone would take instruction about dance from that fat piece of shit.


3) Just watching the Boston Fox News bitch’s mouth move makes me angry enough to punch a kitten.  Seriously, I JUST HATE HER MOUTH.


Letter to the lady and her hidey hole

Dear Lady in the Gym Locker Room-

The hand towel you tried to wrap around your body appeared to be merely a pretense at covering up.  Rest assured, I could still see the Hairy Manilow.

At the risk of sounding like a prude, I really don’t want to see cooter after I have worked out and I just want to leave the gym.  Even more, I don’t want to have to gesture towards your snatch to indicate that my jacket is in the locker behind it.

I applaud your confidence, but please cover up the bearded clam.




Have some crazy with your workout

I got up at 5:30am today to go to the gym.

I.  Got.  Up.  At.  5:30.  To.  Go.  To.  The.  Gym.

It’s amazing enough that my alarm went off and I responded to it.  Even more so that I got out of my bed.  So, it is nothing less than miraculous that I got dressed, walked out into the freezing still-dark morning, and drove to the gym.  At each point in the process, I kept thinking “I could stop this madness right now.”

But I didn’t.

And how nice it was to be at the gym without being surrounded by 2,000 other people.

And so, feeling this way, it was no surprise to me that someone got on a treadmill RIGHT NEXT TO ME.  There were 75 other empty treadmills.  Treadmills as far as the eye can see.  A sea of treadmills.   Treadmills F  O  R  E  V  E  R.

But he hopped on next to me.  Yup.  It totally ruined my enjoyment of Salt-n-Pepa on my iPod shuffle.  “Here we go…here we go…here we go again.  What’s my weakness?  Men!”

At first I did not know if it was a man or a woman.  I was dutifully practicing the gym ettiquette of “eyes straight ahead”.  My peripheral vision is pretty good actually, so I DID notice that this person was wearing a turtleneck.

A turtleneck.


Okay, I am no gym rat or anything and lord knows it’s been ages since I exercised at all, but… never in my wildest dreams would I hunt for workout clothes in my closet and chance upon a turtleneck and say “yesssssssss….got it!”.

I started instantly being judgy.  Who is this drone wearing a turtleneck in the gym?  I bet it’s dirty…it looks dirty.  Why is this person right next to me?

It didn’t help that Turtlenecker kept looking over at my treadmill display.  YES, MY HEART RATE IS AT 144 – SO WHAT??

By the way, treadmill lurker turned out to be a dude.  I looked after I got off the treadmill and grabbed my jacket.  Note:  I never once turned my head towards him while I was still on the treadmill – I have gym etiquette down pat!