wow….WoW (Soy un perdedor)

So, my life is officially over for a while.  I loaded the latest World of Warcraft expansion pack last night (I’m a little behind because of all the other crap that’s been going on).  So, last night I logged back into World of Warcraft – Cataclysm!  It’s been almost a year, so I was rusty.  And some of my add-ons are conspicuously GONE.  Grrrr.  But, before I knew it, 4 hours had gone by.
I wrote a little essay about this.  I’ll post it here.  I had to edit it slightly because I have had 2 birthdays since I wrote it.  (Yes, I am now 40, thank you very much.  Shut it.)




An Old Girl Plays WoW


To say I am middle aged is false.  If I am middle aged, that means I’d only get to live to see 80, and in my family we usually make it well past 90.  So I won’t be middle aged for a few more years.  I am, more accurately, a just-turned-40 woman – full of piss and vinegar (or is that red wine and Rolaids?).  I am still youthful in my approach to life, and still vibrant in my appeal (at least in my own mind).   You.  Must.  Believe.  This.

However, when it comes to “gaming”, I am ancient (or “old as dirt”)…antique, if you will.  My entire history of gaming consists of playing Pac-Man (in the arcade, when it first came out) and playing Mario Party on the Game Cube (already an outdated piece of gaming equipment).  I am the grandma of players.  Nay, the great-grandma of players.  And by that I mean I am that nagging presence of someone who is hard of hearing and slowly losing mental filters and the ability to discern what is an “appropriate” comment.
I am, by gaming standards, REALLY OLD.

Which is why it is at the same time amusing and groundbreaking (for me personally) to be playing World of Warcraft.

I got an iMac about 3 years ago.  The last computer I actually owned before that (and did not borrow to use….or use at work) was a TRS-80.  Seriously.
In college, I did all of my term papers on a word processor (a borrowed one, at that).  Remember those? It’s what you would get if a typewriter and a computer had sex.  Well…sort of.  It had all the promise of speed and functionality, but really was just some bastard child of technology – awkward and bothersome.
I was already out of college when the “internets” started getting wildly popular.  My first experience with this was when my cousin showed me her chat room.  “What? That person is in New Zealand?? And you are talking to him??? Right now????

Yeah, so… the first thing I thought when I first logged into WoW was, “it’s soooooo pretty…”  My quick second thought was, “what do I do now?”
Admittedly, I am still tickled pink when I can make my WoW character (female blood elf warlock – girl power!) run and successfully hop over obstacles.

And since I started playing this game, some regular words have taken on a whole new meaning:
Epic (not just a song by Faith No More – oops! another college timeframe reference)
Raid (has become a noun instead of a verb)
Instance (is not a one time occurrence!)
Noob (ok…not a regular word, but it sure is now!)
Alliance (I spit on you!… AND… it’s not just for Survivor cast members)
Drop (also now a noun; not a verb)
Loot (what you do to a drop)
Health (not just important in real life)

I have also discovered that I can now have rather lengthy conversations (longer than 47 seconds) with my good friend’s 20 year old son.  We’re totally, like, gamers…and stuff.

I am not going to go into great depth about the game itself for two reasons:
1) Interest factor – If you play the game, you already know the details.  If you don’t play the game, you really don’t care to know the details.
2) Knowledge factor – despite having played the game for a couple of years, I don’t know a whole lot more than I did at the beginning.  Okay, I might know more, but I live in serious insane fear of botching up the facts.  So I choose to remain vague.

I am terrible at sports.  I am not athletic.  My last shot at being athletic was in junior/senior high school when I decided that hanging out at the local 7-Eleven and joining drama club was far more fulfilling than playing field hockey.  I have never been a fan of team sports, or games even, because there is too much pressure.  And I hate (with the heat of a thousand burning suns) failure.  I hate competitive sports/games because I hate losing.  I mean, I cheat at solitaire, for God’s sake.

World of Warcraft is a game I can get behind, however.  I can play alone if I desire.  I can play with others – and I do mean with.  I can team up with other players and defeat the computer enemies.  Yeah, the option exists to battle other real live players… But why would I do that if I didn’t have to?

*Remember, I hate losing and I play this game with friends.  Unless I want to hate them or have them hate me when I whine (and don’t they already?), then I choose to remain an enemy of the computer generated beasties.*

And never underestimate the sense of accomplishment when levels are achieved (look it up, noob).  It’s like the feeling one may get from hiking a mountain but without the pain and suffering.  That said, why would anyone ever leave their house?

So, WoW has actually made this ol’ gal enjoy games again.  I could start wearing that shirt that reads “plays well with others”.

You know… if I had the shirt.

And if it was true any other time besides when I am playing World of Warcraft.