when nightmares come true…

Having had Friday off, I quickly checked email from home.

There was an email from someone on my staff to the facilities team with the subject line of “Spider infestation”.

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It reads:

“The department is overrun with spiders all over the area.

Can we have someone take a look into this and possibly spray the area?”

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Really????

Only in my world does this happen.  The world where spiders get on me and I scream until I crap myself.

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I am about to blow your mind…

If you roll a yahtzee, you don’t have to use it for your yahtzee score.  You can use it for other shit – 3 of a kind, 4 of a kind…and so on.

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TRUE STORY.

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Welcome 2011

Dear 2011:

I hope you do more for me than your predecessor.  He brought me a year of feeling like doo-doo, weird medical crap, loneliness, my 40’s, and additional fat cells.

I am not making any resolutions on your behalf because I don’t need that kind of pressure or any reasons to feel like a failure.

So, here’s the deal, 2011.  You fix the damage from 2010, and keep my family and friends safe and sound, and we won’t have any issues.  Got it?

Thanks

Sleep Tight

I had my sleep studied about a week ago. Turns out there was not much going on. So, hey… I snore JUST BECAUSE.
Here’s a photo of me with the attachments to my head:

And I am also making duckface. SHUT UP. SO WHAT??

Anyway, after what you see in this photo was done (and you can’t see the attachments on my legs, hip, and shoulders), Walt (my Lilliputian sleep study guy) put me to bed with a band around my chest, a band around my waist, a clip on my finger, and tubes in my nostrils. And he hooked me up to a machine.

The next morning, I had to fill out a questionnaire on my sleep quality, and was asked this question:
If you did not sleep well, what do you think was the reason for this?

I’m gonna say it’s because I was not on my 400 thread count sheets.
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