Thoughts I had at the gym today:

1)  I am concerned that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are going to start a race of sinewy-bony people who make bad music.

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2) While watching a segment on Good Morning America about the screaming trainer on Dance Moms, I wondered why anyone would take instruction about dance from that fat piece of shit.

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3) Just watching the Boston Fox News bitch’s mouth move makes me angry enough to punch a kitten.  Seriously, I JUST HATE HER MOUTH.

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12 Days of Unemployment

I wish I could say that since I was laid off my life was full of excitement and an endless parade of men knocking on my door offering to rub my feet and watch Hoarders with me.

But, alas, this is not the case.

Instead, my life is relatively boring and full of an endless parade of my cats (all 2 of them) licking their asses in front of me.

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I hope I find a job soon.

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I’m a little bit rock & roll too. But Marie’s bob was to DIE for.

At first it was cute.

Then it was liberating.

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And then there was this:

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Jan 5, 1979

Tonight I watched Donny and Maire.  I liked it.  It was funny.  good night.

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Yeah, I misspelled “Marie”.  But this is how I remember them:

wtf

Donny - NOT anatomically correct, btw.

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And, bitches?  I HAD THOSE DOLLS.

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where I get all political and analytical

I was about to lay out a disclaimer about expressing my thoughts on politics but then realized 1) this is my damn blog and I can say whatever I want and 2) no one reads my damn blog anyway.

But if I ever wanted to give a lesson on “The Impact of Media Bias” I could start with yesterday’s visit by Mitt Romney to Manchester, NH.  Mitt Romney, quite simply, went into an eating establishment in Manchester, sat down next to a Vietnam War vet, and was asked to give his stance on gay marriage.

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*Note:  Honestly, why is there anyone left who opposes two people of the same sex getting married?  Gay people would like the same kinds of rights and recognition.  And I cannot for the life of me figure out why straight people give a shit.  Or why they’d want to prevent it from happening.  Really.  Why?*

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Anyway, my point is…this exchange became more interesting when the Vietnam vet revealed (after his chat with Romney) that he is gay and married.

Even more interesting to me is how this exchange got spun in the media.

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Here’s a sample of headlines:

NPR:  Romney Confronted by Gay Vietnam Vet on Same-Sex Marriage Stance

Boston Globe:  Romney defends same-sex marriage stance to gay veteran

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution:  Romney grilled on gay marriage by gay NH veteran

ABC News:  Gay Veteran Steals the Show at Romney Endorsement Event

Washington Post:  ‘You can’t trust him,’ gay vet says after exchange with Romney in N.H.

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You know what a buzzword is?  It’s something used in media to inflate an idea beyond its importance or to sway someone by hiding the real issue.  When the word “grilled” is used, as in “Romney was grilled”, it implies something negative has occurred.  It is meant to elicit sympathy for the grill-ee.  In this particular article, they state the veteran who grilled Romney did so because he is gay.  That’s probably a fair assessment in retrospect, but the “gay veteran” never tells Romney he is gay when he asked the questions.

And really?  Grilled is a misnomer here.  Watch the clip or listen to the audio and you just hear a citizen asking a question or two.

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Likewise, the Washington Post leading with “You can’t trust him”  in the title certainly appears as if they tried to sway the reader immediately.  So, if you did not read the actual article, or watch/listen to the exchange, you walk away with “Romney is untrustworthy”.  I don’t necessarily believe that.  He stuck to his opinion.  I think his opinion is a load of donkey shit, but he stuck with it.

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My favorite headline blurb so far is ABC’s reference to the veteran “stealing the show”.  The inference being that this is all for entertainment.  And, sadly, that’s mostly true.

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The Boston Globe, however, prints the most ridiculous comment with the following:  “With that, it started to become clear that a routine campaign conversation could become hostile. Though Romney had no reason to know it, Garon – a 63-year-old from Epsom, N.H. — was sitting at the table with his husband.”

Okay?  Hostile?  Another buzzword, and seriously not accurate.  “Uncomfortable” was used a lot, and I get behind that.  But hostile?  No.

And, no, Romney had no reason to know he was talking to a gay man.  But why is that relevant?  The implication is that somehow Romney was “tricked”.  What, we disguised a gay man as a war veteran?  Is that what this means?

Furthermore, it sounds inappropriately ominous.  I could see the same tone being used in a mystery novel –  “The detective had no way of knowing he was interviewing the axe-wielding maniac.”

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And, by the way, Fox News (as of last night) made no mention of this exchange on their web site.  I am pretty sure it’s because all their heads were exploding at the thought that a Vietnam war vet is gay and married.  Glenn Beck is no doubt rocking and weeping in a corner somewhere.

Yes, I can use hyperbole here because it’s my blog and I don’t have to be unbiased.  But these news sites?  They do.

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Santa is a nice man.

When I was young I wrote in a diary, and then that diary became two, then three…. And sometime around high school/college that writing slowed to a crawl and eventually stopped.  Yesterday I found the very first diary.  It was, in fact, not the one I thought was the first.  This is earlier.

And it’s hysterical.

And sometimes pathetically sad.

And sometimes illustrates how dull my life must have been.

It’s filled with scrawling, slanted writing – and every single entry is preceded by a page where I wrote my name and that it was my diary and my age and the date.  I guess I beat dead horses then too.

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Here’s a sample:

Dec. 16, 1978 (I was 8 yrs old.) – “Tonight I watched the Love boat.  They had twin sisters.  They swiched fiances.  good night.”  (Btw, all the entries end with “good night”.)

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Riveting stuff.

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Oh, and how is it I could not spell “switched”, but I could spell “fiances”??

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Say what?

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Dec. 17, 1978 – “Tonight I watched The Debolts.  A poor girl named Karen, has no arms or legs.  good night.”

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Sadly, it seems many of my entries were about TV shows.  And I don’t remember the Debolts, but it appears that I watched some kind of documentary?

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And then I assess life…

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Dec. 18, 1978 – “Its getting closer to Christmas.  And I’m excited.  Santa Claus is coming soon.  He’s a nice man.  good night.”

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The fact that I did not die of boredom is a miracle.  I’ll post more soon, because my love of Battlestar Gallactica was kind of endearing (and sad).

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I’d like to marry Jon Stewart.

Catching up on The Daily Show.

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After a bit about Herman Cain, came this line:

“You know, I don’t have facts to back this up, the minimum wage is a Stalinist plot to bring down pizza chains.  And Activia Yogurt is filled with tiny ghosts whose purpose is to scare the poop out of you.”

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Only Jon Stewart could combine a sentiment containing ghosts, yogurt, and poop, and make it socially relevant.  HE IS A GENIUS.

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How my childhood sometimes haunts me…

So, yesterday I was playing the “IMDB death watch” game.

That’s where I go to look up a TV show or movie on IMDB and then start checking various celebrities to see if they are still alive… as in “ooh, I wonder if that mean mole-faced principal from Uncle Buck is still around”.  One name leads to another…then another…

Yesterday, I happened upon Hayley Mills (still alive), who is the sister of Juliet Mills (still alive), who is the wife of a much younger Maxwell Caulfield (still alive).  When I was poking around Juliet Mill’s IMDB profile, I remembered the TV show Nanny and the Professor.

And I remembered this Disney gal:

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Kim Richards did several Disney movies and many a TV show from my childhood.  Hello?  Escape to Witch Mountain?

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And because I don’t watch any reality shows (unless you count my lust for American Pickers as “watching a reality show” – new episode tonight, btw… squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!), I had no idea that Lil Kim had morphed into….

THIS:

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WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

She is now one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!  Her sister (a brunette version of her) is also one.

And now I feel like my childhood got a Brazilian wax and a mini skirt and was told to walk the street corner.

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AND…

I also did not know that their other sister is Paris Hilton’s mother.

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HOW DID I NOT KNOW ANY OF THIS??

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I feel like I have been living in a bubble for not knowing any of this.  I am sure the only person this is all shocking to is me.  But…

Oh, Kim, if Uncle Walt could see you now…

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Feeling punked by the Academy Awards?

Here is my own version of the Oscars then.

The awards…

Most Face Pain from Excessive Smiling: Anne Hathaway

Best Actor Who Turns Out to Suck at Hosting: James Franco

Funniest Presenter at a Lackluster Show: Kirk Douglas

Best Cleavage for Someone Without Tits: Mila Kunis

Most Number of Turns in His Grave: Bob Hope

Best Actress Turned Singer: *no winner*

Best Use of Vintage Wallpaper as a Dress: Cate Blanchett

Most Welcome Return to the Oscars: Billy Crystal

Least Welcome Return to the Oscars: Randy Newman

Coolest Person to Receive an Academy Award: Trent Reznor

Dorkiest Person to Receive an Academy Award: Whatshisname with the afro that won the short film thingy

Best time to tune in to the Oscars: 11:00pm

Best Use of a Red Hot Dress That Says “Fuck you, Jesse James”: Sandra Bullock

Best at Making Us Think He Had to Take a Huge Crap: Colin Firth

Best Actress Who Could Not Convince Us She Even Cared: Helena Bonham Carter

Best Actor to be Upstaged by His Beard: Christian Bale

Most Enthusiastic Use of the Word “Lesbians”: Anne Hathaway

Most Cringe Worthy Charlie Sheen Mention: James Franco

Least Surprising and Entertaining Awards Show Ever: 83rd Academy Awards

How Comcast Made Me Its Bitch

Yesterday, I called up Comcast and when asked “how they could help me” I simply replied, “I want to reduce my bill”.

I have the triple play thingy with Comcast.  That essentially means that Comcast has control over every single way I have contact with the outside world from my home.  At any moment, they could decide to rip away my cable and internet and disable my land line.  Not that they would arbitrarily do such a thing.  But it’s possible.

It’s also unnerving to think that a company like this can essentially buy the airwaves around your home and monopolize that service.  Some people can get things like Direct TV, etc, but only if you have the setup to do so.  And my condos don’t.

Oddly, when I asked to reduce my bill, they obligingly removed $20.  It sounds really generous until you realize that my bill was already $149, and that they probably offer this as a package anyway…AND when I first started the triple play it was $99 – the golden age of my life with Comcast, never to be repeated.  But, ok.  $20 is $20.

I told someone at work about this, and his response was, “Of course they did that!  They want to keep you as a customer!”

That makes sense… If you are talking about a company that must earn your business in a competitive market.  I discovered several years ago that when dealing with a company that gets your business by default (Comcast), they actually don’t care if they have your business.

I was living in an apartment when I told Comcast, “I am so dissatisfied that unless you do something to please me then I am going to terminate my service”.  Comcast essentially said, “Go right ahead, ma’am”.  So, I did.

For 3 months, I lived like those people that annoyingly tell you they don’t own a television or only watch PBS.  In other words, badly.  Bored out of my freakin’ SKULL.  I joined netflix, watched a lot of movies, watched the local channel a lot (where I developed my love for Fritz Wetherbee), and knitted.  I watched “Lost”, but only because it was one of the shows on my single channel.  I got CSI episodes on netflix and pretended I had regular TV.

Then one day it hit me.

The only person I was punishing with my stubbornness was… ME.

I begrudgingly got Comcast again.  It felt like a relationship where you have a fight, and you still feel awkward and bitter, but you just carry on as if nothing had ever happened.

So, yeah.  I kind of feel like the $20 was the least they could do.

Should I WEIGH in on this? (Get it? Get it?)

So, there’s a big hubbabaloo on the interwebs right now around this Marie Claire article via Maura Kelly’s blog.  Read the article, it’s a doozy.  But in summary, Kelly totally sticks it to fat people everywhere.  She even states that they make her sick or something.

Of course I have an opinion on this.  It might not be what you think though.  Not completely.

First of all, the content of her blog article was horrific.  Kelly starts by critiquing a TV show (Mike & Molly) that I have to say does not deserve great shakes right now.  I mean, the show centers on an overweight couple – AND THAT IS THE FOCUS OF THE SHOW: THEY ARE FAT.  How terribly…. provincial.  I mean, didn’t we stop using lame OBVIOUS jokes on TV??  No?  Oh, ok.

Anyway, Mike & Molly was offensive to me because it was not funny.  Bo-ring.  They make obvious jokes about being fat and …that’s it.  Though, I watched it this past week when Mike & Molly DO IT for the first time (Kelly must be cringing) and I found the ‘next morning’ dialog to be endearing.  Not wanting to drop a deuce where your new lover might hear you is a very real concern.  But I digress…

Kelly’s blog devolves into a diatribe on our obesity problem in America.  I’ve seen some responses to her that stated that, although her article was ignorant and offensive, someone should address this nationwide problem.  That may be true.  But it sure as shit should not be some hack writer on a Marie Claire blog.  Maybe the surgeon general…?  Dunno.

Anyway, her article kicked up a shitstorm of the highest order.  I mean SHIT STORM.  Check out all of Maura Kelly’s other social media channels and you’ll see what I mean.  That girl is gonna be cleaning the poop off her skirt for a long time.

But here’s my issue.  Here’s where I think she went wrong.  Yes, her writing sucked.  Yes, she was horribly off-track with her target audience.  But then…she….APOLOGIZED.  She apologized and she sucked at it, to be honest.  But, I mean…she went out there and said some pretty edgy stuff and…and…did not even have the cajones to stand by it!

I read the article.  And I was like, “wow, this girl is a jackass”.  Then I read the apology.  And I was like, “this girl is a spineless jackass”.