7 Days of Positive Thoughts – Day 6

Almost nearing the end of the 7 days!


Day 6 Positive Thought:  When people band together towards a goal, they can do amazing things.


Today, I participated in one of the Out of the Darkness walks that are put on by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.  It is a sobering event to participate in because, as you stand in a crowd of hundreds of people, you realize that most everyone there has lost someone to suicide.

The fact that there were hundreds of people is sad.  At the same time, it is encouraging to see so many people support a cause that is often surrounded by awkwardness and overtones of shame (though it should not be).  By banding together, everyone at the walk I went to raised close to $50,000.  That is money that will go toward raising awareness and providing resources for people at risk.  It is incredible that shared tragedies can spur this much action.  That is really the beauty of the human spirit, isn’t it?


So, the Day 6 post is going to contain a bonus.  I am also going to list some things from my day that reminded me life is worth living:

  • People singing openly in a crowd, albeit potentially embarrassing, is an act of pure joy.
  • Running is starting to be fun.  Especially when running away from the joyous singers.
  • I love my running pants.  I never want to take them off.
  • Fair food is awesome.
  • Fair food is awesome. (so nice I said it twice)
  • Animals are cute.  Baby animals are off the charts cute.
  • Watching little kids watch animals reminds you of what it’s like to just live in a constant state of wonder.
  • Napping with my cats is the best thing ever.



I got nothing. Pretend I am interesting.

On June 17, my blog got 64 views.  That is a record, by the way.

Not sure what happened that day.  I did not publish a post.  I did absolutely nothing (per usual) to promote traffic on this blog.  My best guess is that a group of students google searched the phrase “middle aged poop jokes vagina” and were led here.  And then, out of pure bewilderment, they kept checking back on it to see how they ended up with this site.


Still job hunting.  I have now applied to 60 jobs.  Out of that number, I have only been asked to interview for 4.  FOUR.  That’s a 6% success rate.  And it’s not really a “success” rate since I didn’t get those jobs anyway.  And out of the rest, less than half bother to tell me “thanks but no thanks”.

Do you know what job hunting is like?  It’s totally like being rejected repeatedly by every guy you ever liked.  It’s bad enough to not have a relationship right now, but pretty much every business in a 50 mile radius DOES NOT LIKE ME EITHER.

It’s hard not to take it personally.

On the upside, I am looking forward to returning to a diet of ramen noodles.  The nostalgia associated with this brings tears to my eyes.


I am going to start my sickly cat on a new diet.  I think.  All I know is my vet called me at 8:30 Friday night (as she is wont to do…oddly) and talked for 5 minutes and 14 seconds straight (I timed it on my phone).  And I mean a continuous stream of chatter.  I am not sure how she speaks for so long without breathing.  And whenever I have to sit and listen to someone talk in my ear that long without interruption, I feel like stabbing kittens.  In the face.  On an alter.  At Christmas.

Point being that I think I need to go pick up new food.  It was somewhere in her blathering spiel… blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah new food blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah .


In other news that could potentially bore someone to tears: I switched my cell phone carrier back to Verizon.  I have been anxiously awaiting for over four years to do this.  Verizon takes care of it all too – cancelling your old account.  Which was slightly disappointing because I was sort of looking forward to calling up AT&T and screaming, “I AM FREE, MOTHERFUCKERS.”

I also added my mom to my plan.  Because nothing says “spinsterhood” like having a family plan at the age of 41 with your mom.


In related news, I am officially addicted to at least two ABC Family Channel shows.

I think it’s high time I put my shawl on and just buckled down on making that quilt.



12 Days of Unemployment

I wish I could say that since I was laid off my life was full of excitement and an endless parade of men knocking on my door offering to rub my feet and watch Hoarders with me.

But, alas, this is not the case.

Instead, my life is relatively boring and full of an endless parade of my cats (all 2 of them) licking their asses in front of me.


I hope I find a job soon.


Urethra of Steel

So, I am currently dealing with more health issues with my cat Don Vito.

It involves a UTI (something he will be susceptible to getting for the rest of his life due to the reconstructive surgery that sort of made him Don Evita) and giving him meds (akin to wrestling a small pig) and has me a bit worried.  Apparently, Don Vito’s infections are as hard core as they come.  I think they could use bacteria from his genitourinary system in biological warfare.


Now they need to culture his urine (to figure out what tenacious strain has got a hold of him).  To do this, they need a full bladder.

I will be dropping him off at 8:00am this Friday and if his bladder is not full, they need to keep him all day in order to get a full bladder.


Here’s my problem:

Vito is a nervous little cat.  Very friendly, but nervous.  This is the cat that, when the heating guy was in my house all day doing an installation, retched repeatedly two feet away.  I feel like every time I take him to the vet he gets worse for the wear.

So, I called the vet’s office to find out if I could avoid a prolonged stay (and avoid Vito acting like an abused prisoner for days afterward).  They told me my only option (to make sure Vito had a full bladder at 8am) was to take away his litter box the night before.




I told them I have another cat.  They told me that I would then need to lock Vito in a room away from the other cat and the litter box.

Okay, so there’s a couple things wrong with this:

1) I think this is actually going to be physically painful for him.  He tries to pee a lot and I think, if he cannot even try, it will hurt.

2) I am pretty sure my cat is not above peeing on the floor.


Oh, and did I mention yet?  He is a nervous wreck.


So, I told the vet’s office I’d see but…I doubt I can pull that off.  I then asked them how they get a full bladder when they have him all day.  I said, “What do you do?  Make sure he drinks water and then not let him pee?”

Her reply: “Well, he’s in a crate.  Not like a carrier, where he is enclosed, it’s a crate that’s open.  And it’s open on the bottom so that if he does pee…Um… Well, he’s monitored constantly.”


I chose to ignore the fact that she did not answer the question.


Then I asked what the vet (she was not the vet, btw – my vet is not this dim) expected to find.  You know, did he have an aim in mind for what he was going to culture?

Her reply: “Well, it’s hard to say…”

Me: “Okay, do you guys do the culture right there in house?”

Her: “Well, we did it in house last time you were here.”

Me: “No, last time I was there you just did a urinalysis.”

Her: “Right.  Well, if we don’t do it here, you will get results within 24 hours.”

* sigh *


So, I guess what I am getting at is that this call was a waste of my time.  And if you got this far, then this blog post was probably a waste of your time.  You can thank Don Vito for that.

Did someone say "party"? *barf-gak-barf*


still makes me laugh…

This photo is years old, and everyone I know has seen it, but it still makes me laugh.  I love love love it.  If you knew this cat’s personality, you could appreciate it more, because what was most likely going through his head at that moment was:

“Is it behind me?  It’s behind me, isn’t it?  Are you taking a picture of it?  Don’t do that.  You might anger it and this tub is the only safe place I have left.  Has it moved?  Is it moving?  Why aren’t you done?  You’re taking too long and NOW IT IS GOING TO GET ME.”


I guess it takes a genius to thwart a veterinarian

You need to go back and read this entry here.  It’s about the Liars Who Lie A Lot with Their Lies at my vet’s office.


Once you have read that, this will make sense and will display the full genius that is me:



Suck on that, liars.

liar, liar, pants on fire

I have a cat (his name is Don Vito).  He is made of gold.  Not really, but he might as well be because he’s had 4 surgeries over the last several years and I am still paying that shit off.  So, if Vito is reading this…..  YOU HAD BETTER LIVE FOREVER.

On top of that, I have to feed him special food for the rest of his life.  Which means his problem-free brother Santino also gets special food for the rest of his life.  I get this food from my vets office.  Which means it costs a kajillion dollars.

Which is why this story really pisses me off…


My vet’s office totally lied to me yesterday. I called to tell them I was going to pick up some food. You know, Vito’s PRESCRIPTION food. And the girl who answered said this (word for word):

“We’ll sell you a bag today. But going forward…and I am so sorry…this is NOT us….this is what the food manufacturer is asking…you will need to bring your cat in for an annual exam to get the food.”

I asked her the name of the food manufacturer (Royal Canin), thanked her, and hung up. Then, I promptly called Royal Canin myself and asked them if this was true.




Of course, Royal Canin was like, “uh…no…we don’t even directly distribute to vets. They can sell the food to whoever they want – that’s their call.”

Called my vets office. Got the same girl. I said, “Hey, remember how you said that Royal Canin told you I can’t buy food until I come in with my cat? I called them and that’s not true.”

So, then she starts giving me the whole “well, it is PRESCRIPTION food” crap. And I was like, “I get that. But let’s be real clear – this is YOUR policy, not the food manufacturer’s policy.”




I also got this ridiculous “well, in order for the vet to RENEW the prescription, you have to come in”. And I’m all, “I had no idea those prescriptions EXPIRED”. (Which I doubt they do, because I have not been there in 4 years yet Vito still gets that food.)

So, I got a bag but the next time I want one, I’ll have to bring Vito in. I told them that it was ridiculous for me to have to bring in a cat who never leaves the house and spend money to get all this crap done. She was all, “the exam is only $42”. So, she said they could sign something that says that is all it will cost me. So, I might do it.

But I am still mad they lied.