when “quirky” becomes “scary”…

Tonight, I went to see the final Harry Potter movie.  I realize I am the last person on earth to have seen it (who wanted to see it).  And it was going to leave the theatre LIKERIGHTTHISVERYMINUTE.  So, I went.  I have seen all of them and I needed to bring closure to this decade-long saga.

I also went by myself.  I am cool with this.  Done it many a time.  Prefer it, in fact.  Because I hate having someone lean over and whisper in my ear to ask me a question about the movie we are both watching and OH MY GOD, WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING PAY ATTENTION.


When I bought my ticket I asked if anyone else had bought a ticket to the movie and was told “one other person”.  (It ended up being 11 other people.)

Thinking that I and only one other person would be sitting in the theatre to watch this movie was sort of amusing to me (NO idea why).

I was the first one in the theatre and I sat in the back row, right smack in the middle.  This movie is my kingdom and these empty seats are my minions.


Anyway, there I sat when a couple walked in.  Okay, so not one person but still only two and still FOR SOME REASON I CANNOT FATHOM amusing to me.  Know what I did?

I waved at them and yelled, “hi!!”.  And, as they squinted to see if they knew me, I was chuckling out loud.  (Aren’t I hiLARious??  How clever of me to wave and scream as if we were all in on the joke THAT EXISTS ONLY INSIDE MY HEAD.)


They sat a couple rows down, and at this point I have started to realize they weren’t in on the joke.  They did not share my enthusiasm for calling out the awkwardness of a situation.  Should.  Have.  Stopped.  There.

I leaned forward and said, “I think we’re the only ones who are going to be watching the movie!!”  *chuckle*


SWEET JESUS.  This is maybe why I should not go to the movies alone.


The girl turned around and said (as if talking to a demented person) (because she was), “This movie has been out for a few months.”


Me: “Oh, I know.  That’s why I waited until now.”

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING NOW?  I HAVE NO IDEA.  Because what I really meant is that I like it when the theatre is not noisy or crowded.  This is what comes from having an inner dialogue and not sharing it with anyone.


This is the end of me speaking but not the end of me being creepy.  Because as I sat there replaying this whole exchange, my creepiness struck me as funny.  AND THEN I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING.  So, then I realized that I am a creepy woman, in the back of the theatre, yelling at people, and laughing to herself, and THIS MADE ME LAUGH MORE.

I even imagined writing this blog post and I sort of stopped breathing for a minute and was really glad I was in the back so no one could become genuinely frightened by my behavior.

I’m calling it.  Sanity dead, 2100 hours.


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