when “quirky” becomes “scary”…

Tonight, I went to see the final Harry Potter movie.  I realize I am the last person on earth to have seen it (who wanted to see it).  And it was going to leave the theatre LIKERIGHTTHISVERYMINUTE.  So, I went.  I have seen all of them and I needed to bring closure to this decade-long saga.

I also went by myself.  I am cool with this.  Done it many a time.  Prefer it, in fact.  Because I hate having someone lean over and whisper in my ear to ask me a question about the movie we are both watching and OH MY GOD, WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING PAY ATTENTION.

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When I bought my ticket I asked if anyone else had bought a ticket to the movie and was told “one other person”.  (It ended up being 11 other people.)

Thinking that I and only one other person would be sitting in the theatre to watch this movie was sort of amusing to me (NO idea why).

I was the first one in the theatre and I sat in the back row, right smack in the middle.  This movie is my kingdom and these empty seats are my minions.

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Anyway, there I sat when a couple walked in.  Okay, so not one person but still only two and still FOR SOME REASON I CANNOT FATHOM amusing to me.  Know what I did?

I waved at them and yelled, “hi!!”.  And, as they squinted to see if they knew me, I was chuckling out loud.  (Aren’t I hiLARious??  How clever of me to wave and scream as if we were all in on the joke THAT EXISTS ONLY INSIDE MY HEAD.)

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They sat a couple rows down, and at this point I have started to realize they weren’t in on the joke.  They did not share my enthusiasm for calling out the awkwardness of a situation.  Should.  Have.  Stopped.  There.

I leaned forward and said, “I think we’re the only ones who are going to be watching the movie!!”  *chuckle*

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SWEET JESUS.  This is maybe why I should not go to the movies alone.

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The girl turned around and said (as if talking to a demented person) (because she was), “This movie has been out for a few months.”

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HEATHER, STOP SPEAKING.

Me: “Oh, I know.  That’s why I waited until now.”

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING NOW?  I HAVE NO IDEA.  Because what I really meant is that I like it when the theatre is not noisy or crowded.  This is what comes from having an inner dialogue and not sharing it with anyone.

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This is the end of me speaking but not the end of me being creepy.  Because as I sat there replaying this whole exchange, my creepiness struck me as funny.  AND THEN I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING.  So, then I realized that I am a creepy woman, in the back of the theatre, yelling at people, and laughing to herself, and THIS MADE ME LAUGH MORE.

I even imagined writing this blog post and I sort of stopped breathing for a minute and was really glad I was in the back so no one could become genuinely frightened by my behavior.

I’m calling it.  Sanity dead, 2100 hours.

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