I’ll take “pretentious asses” for $500, Alex.

I am a member of meetup.com.  I think this is a great site.  It’s NOT a dating site (unless you join that kind of group).  It’s just a site where people can start clubs, etc. and others can join.  I have started both a reading group (which I eventually turned over to other organizers) and a camping group.  Plus, I belong to several other outdoor and book club groups.  The best part of this site is that it’s free to join.  You have to pay to start a group, and some groups charge dues, but it’s one of the best ways I have seen social networking used.

That said, it appears that ANYONE can start a group.  And anyone does.

No judging here.  Well, no, there’s judging – which is why I removed my blog link from my profile on meetup.  I mean, I don’t need to get knifed, yo.

Some of these groups are somewhat specific – lots of mom groups, dog lover groups, sports groups…

Some are highly specific – I saw a group listed for lesbians in NH and VT who are sick and/or disabled.  (Not saying these people don’t need a group for support, but this is very specific membership criteria.)

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My favorite by far, however, is the recent group created for 10 business owners who make $100,000 or more.

10 people only.

$100,000 or more annual income.

And you have to apply, and there’s a fee to apply.

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*pause for that to sink in*

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I am not listing the name of the group (tho it mentions New England).  But I am genuinely confused about the purpose.  If you’re a business owner and you are taking home $100,000, then you must be doing well.  So, this can’t be a “help” group.  There’s no mention of anything other than meeting for coffee.

So….

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I can only assume the purpose of this meetup is to sit around and congratulate each other on how AWESOME they are.  Maybe even eat some money sandwiches.

Who the fuck knows.

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I toyed with the idea of faking an application and showing up to ruin the arrogance party but then I saw the $10 fee.  Hello?  I am not made of money like some other people who form groups about money.

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And because I am nothing if not kind of douchey…

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The other group that caught my eye was one for single people.  And it sounds great.  Low key.  Get to meet other single people.  However, this group was originally called “are you lonely?” or something like that (the name has, wisely, been changed).

Well, yes, I’ve been lonely, but…do I want to put this on that site?  (Clearly I have no problem announcing it on my blog).  Really, I don’t need any MORE people thinking I am pathetic and sad.

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Anywho…the name was changed but the obligatory profile questions to join the group were NOT changed.  So, to join, I would have to provide responses to:  Why are you lonely?  and What steps have you taken so you’re not lonely?

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Why are you lonely?

I told a friend that I was going to say “I am a mean person and I spit on people when I meet them”.  But this is not terribly far from the truth, actually.  So, perhaps I better come up with something less snarky.  Maybe “I wasn’t lonely until 17 of my cats died…and now there’s only 5 left”?

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What steps have you taken so you’re not lonely?

My answer: “A small investment in some rags and chloroform has given me the tools I need to bring friends home.”

I think it is succinct and expresses both my need for companionship and my ingenuity.

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I also think I won’t be allowed to join this group.

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