my dental hygienist is a chatterbox…and scares me a little

Today, I had my teeth cleaned.  Which I enjoy.



My dental hygienist is a nice lady.  Let’s call her K (as in Special…naw, kidding….really it’s her initial).

K can TALK.  Much of the time, she stops what she is doing to talk.  Kind of like the opposite of those people that talk with their hands?  If you held their hands down, you get the feeling they would not be able to talk?  (I mean gesticulation, not sign language – I am not that much of an asshole.)  I feel like K cannot talk and do something with her hands  at the same time.

Unfortunately, this means K can make your appointment that much longer.

The alternative, of course, is that K talks to me when both her hands, five dental instruments, a water pick, and a suction tube are in my mouth.  I always feel like I should try to respond (or grunt) because that’s polite.  So, I do.


Today, K decided to fill the silence (a vastly underappreciated state of being, if you ask me) with her Tales of Terror.


Did you hear about that guy who got beat up?  Four people, two men and two women, beat him so BADLY that his BLADDER BURST.  Can you even believe it?

Did you hear about that old lady who got up and there was a NAKED MAN in her kitchen making himself something to eat?  She picked up a bat and HIT HIM until he left.


K was disturbed by how violent people are today.  The irony is that she said this while driving a metal pick into my gums.  (Ease up, K, you’ve reached the skull.)


Tell me, why can’t doctors who do invasive stuff to you at least try and lull you a little?  It’s like when I get a pap smear and the doctor chats with the nurse about…WHATEVER.  The last time I went, she did my exam while she wrapped up a story about another patient who shit himself at Walmart.  Their cavalier attitude is a little insulting to my vagina, actually.  It’s so different now than it was when I had my first gyno exam – where they spoke in whispers, held my hand, rubbed my back, painted me a picture, read poetry…


But, as for K… it was a valiant effort but I really hope she finds some different stories for next time.


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1 Comment

  1. Colleen

     /  July 27, 2011

    I would be one of those people that couldn’t talk if you held my hands down.


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