Me vs. Gas Stations part deux

I almost called this post “Another Encounter at a Gas Station”, but then recognized that this was just…WRONG.

I have blogged about this type of problem before. But, alas, I did encounter another dinkhead at a gas station.  I’m at the point now where I am going to write a book called Fun at Gas Stations where I recount all the times I lie in wait for people to pull bullshit moves (like taking others’ spots) and then jump out and throw flaming bags of crap at them.  You’d buy that book, wouldn’t you?

Today, I was at a gas station near the hospital where I had to see a doctor.  I say that because I want you to feel as much sympathy as you can for me.

I pulled into a gas station that I have traditionally avoided because it just plains sucks.  The layout is terrible, it is poised on an intersection of about five roads, and it is always busy.  Of course it is the closest one I can get to and my car has been telling me “REFUEL!!” for some time.  (Yes, my car yells at me with caps and exclamation points.)

I pulled in and it is a terrible mess, but one car was about to move.  And the layout is so bad that in order for this car to get away, I had to back up slightly.  But he was coming out of a spot that had two pumps (both free) and I felt confident that if someone else came in, there would be no squabble.

Enter Super Douche.

He drove a pickup from…I don’t know…1977? and there was not one inch that was not covered by paint splatter or rust.  He looked about the same.

And he pulled into the spot I’d been waiting for.  Yes, he saw me waiting.  And, yes, he saw the look of pure HORROR on my face when he did this.  And he pulled into the spot in such a way that I could not pull in to the other one.  As a matter of fact, I was then forced to back up, pull forward, turn around, drive around the entire gas station, and then back into the pump right behind him.  I did all that while he jumped out of his shitwagon and went inside to pre-pay.  (What?  No debit card, douche?  Did your parole officer refuse one?)

Anyway, I got out of my car and he was still pumping gas.  He was also very studiously turned away from me.  I thought, ‘Oh, so that’s how it is.’

So, I tried to get his attention.


No response.  Did not even turn around.

“Hey!  DUDE!”

Turned around.  Looked at me as if it was genuinely shocking that other people were at this gas station and as though he might ask himself “where did she come from?  I was alone in my oblivious little universe a few minutes ago”.

I said, “That was a super douche move you just pulled.” (gesturing towards the spot where my car patiently waited to go into the spot he now occupied)

NOTE: He did not, at this point, ask me what I was talking about.  No clarification was needed.  We were on the same page – he was a dick.

His reply?  “You snooze, you lose, lady.

Ok, reader(s), take a moment and laugh at the absurdity of his circa 80’s comeback.  Soak it in.  It’s ridiculous.  Laughable.  Ponder even the use of “lady”.  That’s Yankee courtesy for you:  if you are going to be a raging shitbag, make sure you use polite pronouns.

Before I can stop myself, I decide to use my own handcrafted proverb:

“Or…if you’re an asshole, you get your gas first.

Not the best comeback in the world, but I get points for split second reflexes.  Both comments were so close in succession that it was as if we were two old friends sharing witty barbs!

But he did not want to play anymore after that, and he left without a word.


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1 Comment

  1. Colleen

     /  March 31, 2011

    LMAO! I enjoyed that. And by the way, I think that guy used to live next door to me……….before he was evicted.


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