Feeling punked by the Academy Awards?

Here is my own version of the Oscars then.

The awards…

Most Face Pain from Excessive Smiling: Anne Hathaway

Best Actor Who Turns Out to Suck at Hosting: James Franco

Funniest Presenter at a Lackluster Show: Kirk Douglas

Best Cleavage for Someone Without Tits: Mila Kunis

Most Number of Turns in His Grave: Bob Hope

Best Actress Turned Singer: *no winner*

Best Use of Vintage Wallpaper as a Dress: Cate Blanchett

Most Welcome Return to the Oscars: Billy Crystal

Least Welcome Return to the Oscars: Randy Newman

Coolest Person to Receive an Academy Award: Trent Reznor

Dorkiest Person to Receive an Academy Award: Whatshisname with the afro that won the short film thingy

Best time to tune in to the Oscars: 11:00pm

Best Use of a Red Hot Dress That Says “Fuck you, Jesse James”: Sandra Bullock

Best at Making Us Think He Had to Take a Huge Crap: Colin Firth

Best Actress Who Could Not Convince Us She Even Cared: Helena Bonham Carter

Best Actor to be Upstaged by His Beard: Christian Bale

Most Enthusiastic Use of the Word “Lesbians”: Anne Hathaway

Most Cringe Worthy Charlie Sheen Mention: James Franco

Least Surprising and Entertaining Awards Show Ever: 83rd Academy Awards

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